New “Friendship Update” from Snapchat to Add Snap Security Number (SSN) Tracking



Parker Bradford, Editor of Global, Snapchat Lobbyist

Snapchat owner Chet Bryce recently announced plans for an update to his increasingly popular social media app. Affectionately called the “Friendship Update,” this update is the next step in Bryce’s plan to mold the atmosphere of Snapchat as a whole.

“Snapchat has garnered a somewhat troubling reputation as of late,” said Bryce at a recent press conference regarding the revolutionary new update. “We would like to bring Snapchat back to its roots, as a place where young people can go to find friends in a safe environment.”

“And that is why we are introducing the new Snap Security Number, so that we might bring more people together through our app.”

With the help of the federal government, Bryce and his team have integrated the use of SSN identification to the sign-up procedures of Snapchat. Bryce assured reporters that SSNs would not just be a static number for people to remember, and rather would be “a fresh, new form of easy identification.”

“SSNs will be listed on each account just below the username, and accounts that have SSNs that are similar to your own will be recommended to you so you can make new friends.”

Bryce also mentioned a slight change to the process of making an account private. “In order to encourage open-minded friendliness, we have made all accounts public and have added a subscription service where users can pay a monthly $10 fee to make their account private.”

After a set of questions by OANN reporter Bethany Shamson, Bryce ended the press conference and left on a yellow-painted private jet with a white bell on the side, where it is reported he promptly purchased his own monthly subscription and privatized his Snapchat account.


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